Goodnight My Someone

I always wonder if there is really someone that's meant for each one
of us. You would always hear them say; someone is dreaming of you
somewhere out there, just as you are dreaming of this person you are
yet to meet. Well, personally I don't know if I should believe this.
Umm.. maybe partly. I mean, not that I am holding on to this thought.

I can't also say whether I'm a hopeless romantic or what. But with
the things that I used to hear, and with the knowledge that I know
about it.. I just can't tell. Laughs! No, uh, I'm not really an
expert when it comes to matters of the heart but my friends would
always say I'm like "Dyosa ng Love Quotes and Payos", Answering
Machine, and all that. They say I seem to know a lot from these when
I talk like I am saying, "been-there, done-that!" But on the
contrary, no. Definitely no, especially when talking to experiences.
And hey, did I mention that I belong to this federation NBSB (No BF
Since Birth)? Haha! Believe it or not but in my 21 years never did I
feel how it is to be in love. I mean, I don't even know the feeling
coz I would always hesitate. When I'm aware that I'm going to fall
further I tend to hold back. And I don't know why.

It's tough to pretend you don't feel the stigma of being single in a
society that seems to celebrate coupledom. All around you
the "marrieds" have their family-full lives and constant
companionship, and there you are— in full Ally McBeal-ish spinster
splendor.

Not until with this guy I met thru chatting some two months ago.
Honestly, it's a very rare thing. I didn't think it could happen to
me and that we'd be closer than I had expected. My idea of having
this special connection to someone you don't even know at all
suddenly changed. Before I used to say chatting is just a waste of
time most esp. e-dating or actually having a bf or gf you just met
thru the net. But I admit, even before I get to chat once in a while.

At first just because of plain curiosity. I got the idea how it
really goes but then I still do. Nothing, sometimes I just get bored,
sometimes it's also good having to meet different kinds of people.
There are those who are nasty or just after something, but at times,
when you are lucky, you get to meet people who are serious and decent
enough. So there, I met Mohit. The guy I mentioned earlier.

I can't validate my feelings. But he is certainly special. I didn't
know it's happening. What do I know? I'm having a great time, and..
and I don't even know it. I didn't notice how things went too fast.
All I know is when I talk to him, it's like you're the only person in
this world. Mohit makes me feel special and every conversation we
have is always fruitful, worth reminiscing that is. I don't get bored
and he makes it easy for me to show my real self and I know he feels
that way too. He knows how to let things just stay up in the air. We
talk things that only the two of us can understand. In other words,
it's something that I'm always looking forward to everyday.

On the other hand, I can't deny the fact that it's good to be single.
Nothing to worry about, having your freedom and all, and just plainly
having the time of your life.

And by the way, I don't see myself getting married. Of course I
believe in marriage but I don't think that's my scene. Maybe it has
something to do with my being realistic. And realization sometimes is
right there in front of you. To see those marriages turned into
nothing, the next thing you know you're an urban legend.

But just in case I get to realize that I would rather swallow it all
and enter into something with a lot of uncertainties at stake than to
forever live alone that's more miserable, maybe, just maybe, I would
have to reconsider it.

According to Ally McBeal, never settle with someone who you think is
just the only one and not the one. You should marry the person who
makes your heart bounce. But a friend of mine told me "who knows who
we would up with?" And it made me ponder. What if you're not lucky
enough to get the chance to choose the person you want to spend the
rest of your life with? What if.. "Dammit! He's the only one out
there who wants to be with me!" Would you rather take the chance or
just let yourself believe that there are some people who meant to be
alone?

Well, I know I'm too young to think about these things. I'm not
afraid tracking down alone either. But at least just to experience
how it is to be loved and in love. All I can say is whoever that is,
he should be the man who would make or break me. Someone who wouldn't
just rock my bed but also my world.

"Sometimes when you hold out for everything, you walk away with
nothing" .:from ally mcbeal:.